Looking after ourselves

Hi
I have given out our handout on secondary trauma to a few parents so I thought it might a helpful to others is I summerise it here.

Living with Trauma
Living with a child with the pervasive negative sense of self of a trauma victim can cause secondary trauma in the parents and wider family/friends network.    People who are most vulnerable to secondary trauma are those who are most attuned to the traumatised child, and who may have experienced trauma in their own lives - our greatest strength also makes us the most vulnerable.

Symptoms of Secondary Trauma
If you are affected by secondary trauma these are some of the symptoms:  distressing emotions; changes in sleep and eating patterns;  jumpiness; hypervigilance; avoiding the emotional space of the child; missed appointments; decreased use of support networks; diminished self-orgnanisation; increased feelings of isolation; alienation and lack of appreciation.

How does this happen?
All infants need to irritate their parents until their needs are met (crying).  This raises the parents' anxiety levels who then take steps to satisfy the child's need and in doing so regulate their own anxiety.  It is when the parents regulate their own anxiety that the child becomes calm and learns regulation for themselves. (attachment theory)

A child whose needs were not met to the point of trauma (not being fed is traumatic) do not lose their irritant instinct and become driven to cause anxiety in the adults around them.   Their needs are overwhelming and they need to communicate this.   When the child experiences fear (being loved causes fear of rejection) their defense system in triggered and they resort to behaviour that protected them as infants.  This causes extreme anxiety in the parents because they are unable to satisfy the child or resolve the child's anxiety.  This unresolvable anxiety is the cause of secondary trauma.

Recovery

All traumatised people - adults or children - need to feel safe to begin to recover
All traumatised people need good social networks
All traumatised people need the space and opportunity to express what is happening to them

Secondary trauma needs the same safety, networks and opportunities to talk.

A 6 point plan
   1.  Recognition:  this is the first and most important step in recovery
   2.  Alleviating physical symptoms - headaches, muscle pains, tiredness
   3.  A supportive social network - people to talk to who smile at you and value you - not necessarily to seek  help for your child. 
   4.  Small changes of routine to relieve stress - to give yourself space for self-care
   5.  Non-verbal physiological care - relaxation through yoga, massage, pilates; jogging, swimming; walking the dog etc.
   6.  Someone to listen to you  - not the same as your social network, and not someone who is going to tell you their problems in return.  (a counsellor or support worker)

There is no blame for secondary trauma - but it can be managed and recovered from.  That includes us at Catchpoint - we know we need to look after ourselves too. 

Joy